Upon Baptism

I was baptised tonight. One of the questions asked of me was "What brings you to the waters of baptism?" This is the extended version of my answer, if you're interested.

I was raised in a Christian family, and I was taught about Christ from a very early age; but for whatever reason, I never really got the heart of the message. I ended up forming this rules religion, where you better do this, and you better not do that, so you can go to heaven instead of hell when you die; and I thought of salvation primarily in terms of my postmortem destiny. But it was hollow; and as I grew older, and I started to have to deal with loneliness, and depression, that emptiness really started to manifest itself; and that began, for me, a sort of spiritual wandering. Eventually I came back to Christianity, just because I never found anything better, and what started to dawn on me, and what’s changed my life, is that God’s love isn’t just an abstract theological idea--this Jesus is actually a real person, and he loves me; and salvation isn’t just about what happens to me after I die--it’s also about my life right now. I can be saved not just from hell, but also from depression, and loneliness, and meaninglessness. I’ve become convinced that substantial joy, and peace, and hope are not to be found anywhere, or with anyone or anything else, other than him; and I’ve come to the waters of baptism tonight to solidify my commitment not to look for it elsewhere anymore; to live my life in obedience, in response to his love.